Episode 256: From Chaos to Calm: Managing Stress and Anxiety for Emotional Resilience - Part 3

Episode 256: From Chaos to Calm: Managing Stress and Anxiety for Emotional Resilience - Part 3

Welcome to Part 3 in our 5-part Emotional Resilience Series of 2023.  I hope you’ve listened to Part 1 & 2. If not, here’s a little background: I joined an emotional resilience group a few years back. There was a physical therapist, a composer, a nurse, a home economics teacher and me, a Realtor. We did not know each other before hand, and we were doing this course on-line because it was during Covid. This group was put together by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in an effort to support people in learning emotional resilience.

The class focused on learning and practicing spiritual and practical skills to better care for the body, mind, emotions and relationships, and everyone took different things from the sessions, because we’re all at different places on the path with what we needed.

This was a 188 page 10 week course that I’ve pulled from and I hope these will support you in your own quest for choosing emotional resilience skills you can work on to better support your emotional work. 

TODAY I HAVE included some clips from a mental health discussion I had with  KATHERINE REYNOLDS, A Marriage and family therapist who has shown up in all our episodes so far; and parts of a discussion I had with Brigham Haines, host of the Consider Everything podcast, a podcast about mental health….Take from this episode what resonates with you, that you may navigate your life with a bit more resilience. One step at a time.

This episode - Part 3 -  is all about Managing Stress and Anxiety for Emotional Resilience. Stay tuned for stories and insights from professionals.

Let’s put a few things out on the table. The first is a reasonable look at stress. Stress is a buzz word in our culture. We’re going so fast, we’re stressed out. Some see it as a badge of honor, an indicator that they are movin’ and shakin. But for some it’s gone off the charts and shifted into a debilitating anxiety.

Let’s dissect this a bit. Stress, in an of itself, is a normal part of life. It is how the brain and the body respond to any demand - a problem to be solved at work, an important decision you need to make - the right amount of stress helps you focus reach goals, protect yourself. Stress - in the right doses, can be an important part of functioning well. 

When does it get to be too much? Well, when stress becomes uncontrolled worry, or perfectionism, or a predominant fear that thIngs won’t go well, that you won’t be good enough to solve that problem at work, it can cause anxiety. Anxiety, or a feeling of excessive worry or nervousness can cause serious barriers for us. It doesn’t fade when the situation is taken care of. It builds. 

I asked Kathryn Reynolds about her thoughts on stress and anxiety and she gave some definitions and ideas. Here are her thoughts:

Tune in to hear Kathryn's thoughts.

So, comparison can be stressor. 

Let’s look at perfectionism, because this thought error is a big contributor to anxiety as well, and ties into comparison. Perfectionsim is the belief that if we are not perfect in everything, we are a failure and not good enough. Perfectionism is not a sign that you do things well, it is an inner belief that if you don’t do things perfectly that you are unacceptable. Obviously, since no one does things perfectly, this is a terrible waste of time. 

Tune into the podcast to hear what Brigham Haines has to say on this subject.

Kathryn confesses to being a recovering perfectionist and she has some great insights on how it isolates us through false connection. Here’s our conversation:

The podcast has all the clips from our visiting experts.

Let me share four principles for increasing self-compassion and decreasing perfectionism. 1. You must first become aware of perfectionism in your thoughts. Notice when it’s holding you back from doing, contributing, interacting, because you feel like what you’re offering isn’t perfect. 2. Challenge those thoughts, that feeling, the need to hold back because of your fear. Challenge it! Take yourself to the mat with the brutal truth that nothing anyone puts out there is ever going to be perfect and we don’t want to stay out of the game just because we are afraid. 3. Accept that mistakes are a part of life, but like Brene Brown says in Daring Greatly, we have to get into the arena, we have to dare greatly in order to live a life that isn’t small. We have to allow for vulnerability. Then 4. Accept and love yourself and all your imperfections. It’s okay. We are all a mixed bag of weaknesses and strengths. Join the club proudly. 

Those who struggle with stress and anxiety each have their own story, their own triggers. Sometimes it helps to hear other’s stories…. Here is Brigham’s story of how his anxiety surfaced and some suggestions on how he looks at it and manages it and what he thinks causes anxiety and depression. See if you agree:

Tune into the show to hear Brigham.

Here’s some suggestions for dealing with stress and anxiety from Kathryn Reynolds:

Tune into the show to hear them.

Let me mention a few things that you can use to help you. There are a lot here, so just listen and see which ones will fit best with you:

Talk with God - know that he understands exactly who you are - all the good, all the bad, all the struggle. Imagine him sitting close, listening to you, and offering support. As you talk with him does anything come to mind that feels supportive? What advice can you feel?

Ponder. When you feel stressed and anxious, go to a place of rest and pondering, sit quietly and reflect on times you’ve felt blessed and supported. I like to use the Psalm, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Consider your expectations. Without a doubt our emotions hop on a roller coaster when expectations are not met. When life doesn’t turn out as we expected we feel disappointed, angry, panicked. These feelings raise your blood pressure and can cause deep anxiety and stress. Learning to manage your expectations - to allow for the flow of life and unexpected twists and turns, will help you navigate these spaces better. “All things shall give you experience…” even when they were unexpected. 

Be aware of when you are stressed. Check in with yourself and notice if you’re not sleeping well, if you get angry easily, if you have low energy, if you feel depressed. If you’re noticing these indicators, find a go-to that works for you to relax. Maybe it’s time to slow, breathe, take some time to meditate, take some time for gratitude, take some me-time, grab a nap, reach out for a chat with a friend. Be good to you and know what works to manage your stress. You can also check the stories your telling yourself about your life. Are you creating unneeded stress by harboring stressful thoughts about how busy you are, how you are not enough, etc.

Mosiah 4:27 “See that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength.”

Stress can often be relieved and managed by being active. We have physical bodies that are tied to our minds - the human soul. When we work out we get endorphins that affect our moods. Use these. Walk, run, bike, lift weights. Be physical.

Stay connected with people - family and friends, those who love and support us, can often be the smartest move.  I remember being in a therapy session once and talking with my therapist about how I was feeling down so I went over to my parents house to stay for awhile. She congratulated me on intuitively knowing where to go for safety and support. Sometimes we need a change of scenery, sometimes we need to talk something out, sometimes we just need a hug and to know we aren’t alone. Go to your people. In episode 4 of this series we will be talking specifically about how to create and nurture healthy relationships because they are so important to human mental health and happiness.

Sometimes we just need to take things one step at a time. Ask yourself, “What is the most important thing I can do right now?” Maybe it’s super simple, but when we feel overwhelmed, taking things one step at a time is brilliant. I feel like to I do this pretty regularly. I may have 10 hopping things on my calendar, but I will look at what is my next one and I’ll prepare for that. The other podast interviews can wait their turn, packing for my trip can wait until I get this dinner party over with, I don’t need to worry about that lesson I need to teach until after I take care of my client meeting today. Just look at what is right in front of you. One thing at a time.

2 Nephi 9:51   “Do not spend money for that which is of no worth, nor your labor for that which cannot satisfy.” My interpretation of this is don’t spend your resources, whether they are money or time or effort on things that don’t really matter. What really matters to you? Decide and then see what you can let go out of your life that doesn’t support those most important things - lower the stress level, take out the good for the best.

Last, I’ll just mention practicing mindfulness. when we can pull ourselves in from all the crazy stories we have going on in our mind, stories laced in fear, and responsibilities that we are feeling crushed by. Step away and just get present. Stop and really just be present in the moment, things will look completely different. Is there really anything to be fearful of in this moment? What can I see, hear, smell, feel on my skin? What is actually going on around me right now. Get out of your head and get into your body. I have to constantly remind myself to do this, but if you can get this tool down, you’ll have a completely different life experience, because being present is powerful. You must be present to win. 

In my discussion with Brigham Haines he had some ideas about how the things we get involved in effects our psyche, and the environment we are in can cause it as well. Here’s the points he brought up:

Tune into the show to hear his points.

For many anxiety is no joke - no small thing -  a diagnosed anxiety disorder. It’s not just feeling intense stress it’s a full mental attack. I know someone who had to pull their car over during an anxiety attack. They were shaking and drooling and even passed out. A friend had to come find them and help them out of the space. Healthy tools that help us get present, help us release fear of the future, help us shift into simple vs. overwhelming, these are key, but  I am not qualified to speak to severe anxiety attacks that may need medication or a doctor’s help. The tools we’ve talked about today are powerful, seek to understand and implement them, even just one of them that seems doable for you, and if you need more professional help - seek that.

Brigham Haines and I talked about this idea of seeking solutions:

Tune into the show to hear Brigham.

I also wanted to know what he suggested as far as loved ones who support those who struggle with anxiety and depression. Here is what worked for him:

Tune in to hear Brigham.

It’s my hope that you’ve received even just one small thing that you can use moving forward.

Natalie Goldberg, one of my fav. writers said, “Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important.”

Which I think goes hand-in-hand with these words from Virginia Woolf, “No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself.”

When the idea of living big is crippling, step down into the basics - just being you. You are worthy of being here, worthy of having this life experience, and it’s just fine to take it slow and intentionally create whatever it needs to be for you. Living with intention doesn’t just mean everything is on super powered up, it simply means intentionally choosing what works for you. What brings you satisfaction, joy, and connection. You have permission to go at whatever speed that looks like for you.

Join us in 2 weeks for Part 4: “Stronger together - Building resilience through healthy relationships.

Please share this episode with anyone you know who is working to manage stress and anxiety. You never know what will land with them, Share the love.